


I know that I hurt you, and you hurt me too

by An_outsider_looking_in



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-28 18:50:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20783414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_outsider_looking_in/pseuds/An_outsider_looking_in
Summary: A reader  asked me to write this piece, so here it is :)Ben and Callum go on a date, but it doesn't go well as Ben is too afraid of upsetting Callum.  Callum snaps at him and storms out.





	I know that I hurt you, and you hurt me too

Ben seemed nervous and unattentive which only added to Callum's anxiety as they sat in the prince Albert. It was a quiet afternoon and Callum felt uncomfortable. He didn't quite know how to handle the date, he had never been terribly sociable. Silences terrified him, particularly in a situation where he was unable to determine the outcome. He sat and nursed his bottle of beer, he had been drinking nervously for most of the day. 

"So, we finally doing this then?" he smiled as he played with his beer bottle, his hands were shaky. 

"So it would seem" Ben half smiled at him and took a sip of his own beer and looked around. He seemed somewhere else, he couldn't commit to the situation. He saw Tina who was at the bar, she was pretending to wipe it down, looking at them. He felt a sense of fear, a feeling that he didn't often feel, it annoyed him that he'd let the others get into his head.

"Are you ok, Ben?"

"That's a relative question" he muttered, sarcastically. Over the course of the morning, he had been verbally dressed down by multiple people on the square, including Ian, Jay and Stuart who had pleaded with him to not hurt his fragile brother.

"What?" Callum said

"Nothing" he smiled at him and Callum, nodded his head.

"Its strange. Isn't it? You pester me and pester me for a date, and now I'm sitting in front of ya and you can't even look at me, have I done something to upset you?" Callum was getting angry, he didn't want to but he couldn't help but feel foolish. Ben rolled his eyes, involuntarily. 

"Callum, it ain't like that... I"

"Then tell me, what is it like?" Callum interrupted Ben 

"Maybe it just isn't supposed to be" Ben shrugged, "I don't know what to tell ya" 

"Thats not good enough. Actually. You know. I just don't understand you, Ben. I lost everything because of you. You know how that feels, so why would you then do this?" 

"_You_ lost everything because of you. Because you made the choice to be who you are" Callum seemed disheartened and hurt by that comment, his natural response was to walk away, but he didn't. Instead he stared at Ben who slouched in his seat. 

"Ben. I know you have had your troubles. But you can't flaunt yourself around the square, sleep with all those men and then, when I'm here in front of you, someone who actually cares about you; pretend to be modest, shy even"

Ben reached out his hand for Callum. Callum pulled it away. 

"Are you sure that you are ready, for all this?" 

"Don't patronise me, I've been ready since I saw you nearly die, are you!?" 

"You can't build a relationship if one person thinks they are superior. You can't just be with me because of all the hurt. Yeah you saved my life and I can't thank you enough, but that can't be why we are a couple" 

"I'm not Paul. Maybe that's the problem. I'm not Paul you want what you can't have, your so hung up on what happened and...." 

"I think you should stop right there before you say something you regret" hearing Callum use that name, hurt him. It was like broken glass shattering in his ears. He hated that the tipsy man had resulted to that. 

Callum looked tired, scruffy, clearly he had something on his mind, Ben didn't want to unhinge him, further. He had been this way since he saved Bobby on the train tracks, it seemed to have triggered trauma based emotions in Callum. 

"Or what, Ben? You going to hurt me? Going to attack me? Go on then, that's what you're good at, being a villain, antagonising people" 

Ben didn't say anything, he drained his beer and put his jacket on. 

"I guess you aren't good. You just throw people away" Callum raised his vice, Ben had tears in his eyes, he felt angry and vulnerable. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Halfway, you ain't worth the hassle, mate" he threw £20 on the table for the drinks and left the Albert. Tina looked at him as he left. 

"You OK?" she said to Callum as she walked over to clear the bottles. He got up and left. 

* * *

Later that day, Ben was wallowing in self pity as he lay on his bed. He didn't want to go out, he'd had enough social interaction for the day. He reached into his beside table and got out a photo that he kept under his passport. Paul. He looked at it.

"Why can't I be good?" he whispered through the tears as he lay on his bed. He cried, nd eventually fell asleep. His phone was next to him on the pillow.

Callum sat in the queen vic, he had his phone in his hand as he sat at the bar. 

"Another, Mick" he said as Mick wandered over to him.

"You sure, mate?" Mick exhaled, as he noticed Callum's haggered appearance.

"Yeah"

He bought him another pint 

"How's Ben doing? Aven't seen him since, well you know"

"Since he got shot"

"Yeah, bring him in when he's up to it, there's a pint on the 'ouse waiting"

"Bring him in? He ain't nothing to do with me" Callum took his drink and sat at a booth.

He looked at his phone and typed. 

_<strike>I' m sorry</strike> _

<strike> _Ben, I really didn't mean to mention Paul, I _ </strike>

<strike> _Call me_ </strike>

<strike></strike> _I've been stressed lately but it's not an excuse, I'm really sorry... _

Callum looked at his phone and hovered over the send button. 

"You alright?" Jay say beside him, almost making him jump. 

"Yeah" Callum locked his phone and put it on the table. 

"So, how'd it go?" he nudged Callum "The date, Ben was a bit nervous" 

"Not good mate, I've blown it. I said some terrible things" 

"About what?, made of tough stuff, Mitchell's" he maintained an optimistic tone. 

"Paul. I mentioned Paul" Jay's face tightened, 

"I know. I feel awful"

"Then go and see him"

"He's staying at Phil's now ent he?" 

"Yeah, wait Callum, sober up" Jay called to him as he left the pub. 

* * *

Ben was making a cup of tea in the kitchen when Callum knocked on the back door. Hesitantly Ben opened the door and Callum walked in. 

"You stink of booze, here drink this" Ben got a glass of water and passed it to Callum. 

"Didn't expect to see ya" Ben put his hands in his pockets and leant against the sink. 

"Yeah. Look Ben, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned..." 

"Its OK" Ben interrupted him and Callum took Ben's face in his hands and kissed him. Phil walked into the kitchen, saw the boys kissing and walked back out again, Ben and Callum were oblivious to his entering. Ben pulled pack. 

"What, don't you want me now?" 

"Callum you've had a skinfull, it seems you only want to be with me when you are drunk" Ben said

"No, I just don't know what to do. My life has imploded" 

"You've done the hard part, now enjoy it" Callum seemed disheartened by Ben's lack of interest.

"It not that easy" Callum said

"It really is" Ben said, softly. 

"Come here" Ben pulled Callum in for a hug, tears streamed down Callum's face. 

"I'm a mess" he whispered 

"We'll get you through this, together" he rubbed Callum's back as the taller man leant over him, in his warm embrace. 

As Ben let go, he looked Callum in the eye and wiped away his tear

"Call me when you know what you want, and I'll be here" 

"What do you want, Ben Mitchell?" he asked

"You already know that" Ben winked and held Callum's hand, Callum held on aslong as he could. Ben held the door open and Callum left. 

"You know where I am" Ben said. 

As he closed the door, he sat down at the dining table and put his head in his hands. Ben was tired and exhausted as he sat alone in the kitchen. 


End file.
